If you want your partner to trust you, you must display honesty and integrity from the a big lie is being presented to him or her or if the person is telling the truth. A tit for tat situation often occurs in relationships where one person will keep a . Dishonesty is one of the biggest problems in relationships It always has been, and always will be . But you see you must be straight foreward with the truth, and say so in a manner that is completely sure of yourself and confident in giving . Perhaps you've done something you regret. Typically, feelings of shame and guilt are often followed by the following question: Should I tell my husband or wife.
And whats more isb this…and this is where I give you some secret insider info from the social science realm… You see, when someone is going to confront another person in a lie…they have already rehearsed what they are going to say in their head. They were probably in the shower that morning going over the dramatic soliloquy they were going to give you, and all the ways they were going to tear you a new one… So if you lie…you are in for it!
It is already pre-ordained! Tell the exact truth, in the most bold, blunt, and honest manner in which they did not expect to hear it! But not only that…do so in such a straight foreward unexpected manner that it baffles and confounds them! What makes this work? What is the science behind it? See this person was expecting you to lie or avoid the topic, or do anything to prevent admitting what you did that they are trying to confront you about.
They have already prepared themselves mentally for that and have all the thought and behavioral patterns congruent with that situation lined up in their head.
That is their mental process right now.
Lying Vs Telling The Truth In Relationships
The very last thing they are expecting you to do is to tell the truth! And what happens when you do so…and not only that…but do so in such an honest, straight foreward manner that their entire pre-prepared response that is already locked and loaded, which is probably beginning to come out right after they asked you the question because they were so ready for you to lie…is no longer congruent with your response?
Well, their pattern has been interrupted…and they do not know what to do or say! Instead they will be completely perplexed…. But you see you must be straight foreward with the truth, and say so in a manner that is completely sure of yourself and confident in giving the information.
Now this does not mean you cannot have regrets about it. This is not to say that you have to stand behind your actions.10 Early Signs of a Toxic Relationship
If you are being questioned about seeing other people and do not want to be exclusive with this person, or some other issue that you do feel you are in the right about but think should be a non-issue and would otherwise have told a lie to avoid ityou will have to take another route however!
However lets say that you are even more in the wrong and there is a good reason for this to be made a serious issue and for your partner to take an offensive stance…like for instance seeing another person when you are already in an exclusive relationship with your partner…well when confronted with an issue like that you would have to revert to a combination of my first example and my last example: And your partner will appreciate your honesty.
Because that would be lying!
Love and honesty: what we hide and why we lie - HelloGiggles
Its really not about you, I do respect you and want to do right by you, but I have to really do what is right by me first and foremost and make sure that I am living the way that I see fit. And I honestly cant see how it would be fair to you for me to try to live a lie and do things that I do not want to do for you, because that to me is dishonest.
So if that is how you feel, when your partner confronts you about doing whatever it was you did, then you need to tell them that, and that the kind of relationship in which you loose your freedom and have to answer to another person is just not for you!
Because having to change your lifestyle for someone is just not genuine! You may not even have to loose them.
They may not like hearing that, but they will appreciate it much more than your lying to them. And so in conclusion, here is the truth about lies: Because it will cause a pattern interrupt, and then they will have no choice but to face the honest to god truth that you have to tell them about why you do the things you do, which they will have no choice but to appreciate the fact that you are being so honest and genuine about. That is not to say that they will like it.
Lying Vs Telling The Truth In Relationships
Apart from the obvious and well meaning secrets such as Christmas, birthday presents, or the planning of a surprise party, keeping secrets from your partner can only lead to a breaking down of the trust in that relationship. What might seem small and insignificant secrets to you could end up blossoming into big secrets which have a bearing on your relationship.
Like lying, keeping small secrets gets you in the habit of hiding things from your partner and it is an easy lead in to lies on a larger scale. A tit for tat situation often occurs in relationships where one person will keep a secret that the other person then finds out about. There is such a thing as being too suspicious, which can lead to your partner rallying against your position and actually doing the thing you suspect of them.
It is a fine line between watching out for signs of lying, and completely mistrusting everything someone does, to the point at which you are virtually hunting for some incriminating evidence. That might seem far-fetched, but suspicion can quite easily develop into a weapon that breaks up a relationship.
How honest and open should you be about your past? I would say completely, but only in small stages. Be careful not to compare anyone from the past to your present partner. No one wants to know that an ex did something better than he does, so that type of honesty, which can only hurt someone, should be avoided. Regaining trust after lies: How can you regain that level of trust and honesty, and try and get it back to what it once was?
It can be a hard slog, as once trust has been broken, it takes a special kind of person to completely forget and blank it from his mind, but it can be done. You both need to go back to square one, and decide as a pair to rebuild the relationship from top to bottom, one step at a time. Trust is not something you can just flick on and off; it has to be earned over time. Allow your partner a chance to redeem himself, and then react to what he actually does, rather than what you think he has done.
Trust and honesty have, and always will be, two essential building blocks of a good relationship. Without them you may as well just give up, so knowing how to foster them, and build both values in to a loving, and caring relationship should be a number one priority. I hope the discussion here will help you in that cause. It's natural to experience anger, jealousy, hurt - even though your mother told you that "a frown doesn't suit your pretty face, Dear!
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